


A Broken Bond

by xxMad_Donaxx



Series: A Mage's Haven [4]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bonding, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 17:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxMad_Donaxx/pseuds/xxMad_Donaxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders' Calling was delayed but it was still unavoidable. Have some tissues handy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Broken Bond

**Author's Note:**

> I began this long ago, shortly after I started Flynn's story. I am now close enough to the end of that story to be confident I won't contradict myself.

Five years at most he said. Little Marilyn is now twenty. Thanks to the ashes my beloved Anders has seen every one of them. I treasured those extra years. I’ve known this moment was coming for a long time. Leave me a large family…I was half joking when I said that but I’m grateful for our four children now. It’s easy to see him in them…Carver’s looks…Flynn’s voice, how willing they all are to help someone.

Our eldest son has given us many grandchildren despite the taint he inherited. Evelyn has as well though not quite as many as her twin. It was quite amusing watching our twins around five years ago, both pregnant. They announced their pregnancies on the same day, seemed to be sick at the same times, both grumpy for no reason on the very same day. They even went into labor together though Flynn delivered first. My little rabbit smiled often during those nine months.

Carver has also given us many grandchildren. He has become quite an accomplished young man. My responsibilities passed to him years ago. He works closely with Robert and Bethany, their jobs growing more complicated as Haven’s population increased. She’s been First Enchanter for almost ten years. He was very sad when Karl passed on.

Marilyn hasn’t bonded yet. She’s got a sweetheart though…it’s only a matter of time. It pains me to think that Flynn, Carver, and Marilyn might know this agony someday. It will more than likely be their mates that suffer though. They have more time than my beloved did but the taint they carry will eventually claim them as well.

I can feel it breaking…our bond…grown stronger over the years…as he slips away from me. Part of me is dying with him…the piece I gave him so long ago in Kirkwall. He was living on borrowed time, I know that. This is still the worst pain I have ever endured.

I know now why Father wept, the only time I ever saw him with tears streaming down his cheeks. I can’t stop my tears either. They are soaking into his hair as my cheek rests on his head. It’s why I brought us out here…to the woods…his favorite spot. I hold him to me, his back against my chest, his head resting on my shoulder. Varric promised his end would be painless, the poison he drank that will end the song only he can hear, will act quickly.

Anders closed his eyes, hands over mine, a whispered goodbye and that’s where they still rest for the moment. I can feel it though…shattering…and my heart breaks with it.

I wonder if it’s different for mages, how those Tevinter bastards can stand this over and over again. They must have hearts of coal, black and shriveled. Did Fenris feel this agony as he fled? His bonded…dead by his own hand…or is it being made worse from the love we shared? Even had I known…I would change nothing.

He was the most intriguing person I had ever seen, sneaking around poorly in Lowtown. I followed him to the Chantry, watched him try the door. My Anders…he was beautiful in that moment. Determined, torchlight turning his hair a reddish gold color, even when we tried to escape…Justice…he was beautiful as well. I can count the number of times I’ve seen the spirit on one hand but his voice is as familiar to me as my own.

I knew I was lost when I woke in his clinic. My frightened little rabbit saved the man who knew his secret…an alpha no less. I didn’t think when I pushed him, only knew I couldn’t let this amazingly brave mage be chained in the Gallows. No…I would not change a thing to spare myself now. Every year in between, I will cherish always.

His breathing is shallow, chest moving almost imperceptibly. Anders struggles to take a deeper breath, squeezes my hand weakly as he sighs his last words.

“Love…you…”

Only once more does his chest rise. His arms fall to his lap…he is gone. My quiet tears turn to sobs and I hold him tightly. Our bond is broken…I understand now why Thrask and Mahren never took another. I won’t either. I simply can’t do this again…put them through it when I pass.

I’ve no idea how long I sit weeping, holding his lifeless body…wishing I could bring him back. I know I can’t go with him. As much as I hurt, as empty as I am without that piece of him, I will press on. That’s what he would have wanted.

“Devin.”

I know that voice. I’ve heard it for years…whispering in the back of my mind. I hold Anders tighter still, horrified. Justice had been trapped in a corpse before his joining with Anders. I had been warned of this possibility.

“Justice?”

“Yes,” he says wearily. There is no trace of Anders’ sweet tenor, just Justice’s deeper voice. “I am…still here.”

“You can’t…please…” My voice is shaking and more tears squeeze through my tightly shut eyelids.

“Be at ease,” Justice says quietly. His body moves now even though he no longer breathes, patting my hand in an awkward attempt at comfort. “We had hoped that I would be set free but it appears that I am truly trapped.”

“I have to take him back…take care of him. Please…” I truly can’t stand the thought of seeing him and knowing that it’s not him. My little rabbit is gone…

“I have no wish to see this body rot,” he says quietly. “I have been a part of Anders for so long…already I feel…lost. I know you Devin Hawke. Through him I have loved you, knew his sadness and his joy. I have never asked anything of you. Nor have I offered you anything but advice. I would ask one thing of you now. Take me inside of yourself. Find a way to send me home.”

“I don’t know where to begin…” I say after a moment of thought. “But I swear it shall be done.”

“Thank you Devin,” Justice says softly.

There is a bright flash of light and a brief moment of pain. I gasp and clutch Anders’ lifeless body to me, my head swimming and my vision blurry. I feel little difference when my head clears but I know that I now house my beloved’s spirit.

I struggle to my feet, closing his lifeless staring eyes. My vision blurs again, this time with tears I cannot stop. His dead weight is almost too much for me but I will not falter. I will carry him back to Haven so that they may mourn as well. I will see him to the pyre undamaged. The man who has cared for and saved so many deserves no less.

Robert meets me at the gate. I told him where we were going…what we were doing. He gently relieves me of my burden…solemnly…just as carefully as if it were Flynn he held. Together we take Anders to the Chantry and still I cannot stop the tears. Days run together after that. I remember watching the cleansing fire consume his remains, my children and their children all around. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many gathered at a funeral. Anders has seen many of these young people safely into the world. He has taught many of the mages everything he knew about healing, used his knowledge freely to keep the village healthy.

I miss him constantly…sometimes searching in vain for him in that spot he occupied in my head…the one that always knew where he was at. My bed at night is cold without him. His smile, his humor, his passion…my life seems empty without my wonderful little rabbit.

Days turn to weeks and slowly I grow used to this pain. I am an old man now but I have one more task. I don’t think I will find answers here in Haven. This village has been our life, our goal…to prove that the Circles are no longer necessary. I find it a little ironic now that the Ferelden circle is my destination.

We have accomplished much since we left Kirkwall. Haven is in good hands. It is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye to my family but I have a promise to keep. I hope that I may return here when my task is finished. I will see Justice back to the Fade though…whether I am able to return or not…so that when I meet Anders again it will be with a clear conscious. 


End file.
